md_donighal: (simpler times)
[personal profile] md_donighal
Who has had the most influence on your life?

Almost beyond question, Maxwell Anderson Mercer. I idolized him for years before I realized how I really felt about him. It was because I couldn't tell him how I felt that I spent so much time keeping all my other dreams at arm's length. (Yes, that's right; Divis Mal has arms.) If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have gone to London to see Hammersmith's demonstration, and Dr. Primoris (let alone Divis Mal) would never have existed, and I probably wouldn't be anyone you'd bother asking these questions of.

Do you consider yourself to be adventurous?

Not really, though I don't refuse an adventure when it offers the opportunity for me to learn something. I've always considered myself more of a scholar than a hero. I once told the movement that I don't enjoy the role of teacher, and that was true; I'd much rather learn than teach.

Mind you, I suppose any exploration of any real depth involves adventure, but the adventure isn't the point of the exploration, at least not to me.

Do you confront your problems head on, or ignore them until you have to do something? Do you procrastinate?

As a number of commentators have observed, that depends on the size of the problem. The bigger it is, the harder it becomes to face it.

Like telling another man you love him, always have loved him and always will, when you're fairly sure he doesn't and can't return that love, in an age when such love dared not speak its name anyway.

But, for someone as powerful as I am on the quantum level, most purely physical problems aren't very big. It's the mental problems that're the piss-cutters.

How do you handle disappointment?

As with handling problems, that depends on the nature and size of the disappointment. Let me give you an example.

In September of 2006, less than a year after delivering the speech from which this journal takes its name, I went into Chrysalis for the fourth time. I wanted not only to improve myself further, but to see how the movement would do in my absence.

In June of 2008, I awoke, earlier than I'd thought to. Alex brought me up to date on the situation novakind was facing.

I found the major cliques of the Teragen squabbling like children over who had the coolest toys and the kewlest powerz. I delivered myself of a rather self-important speech, but one I felt with all my heart. I wanted people I could talk to as equals, but only Raoul and my dear Jeremiah even came close to that.

If I had stayed in the Chrysalis longer, they might have outgrown me, as I hoped they would. But poor Jennifer was already dead, and Æon was stepping up its attempts to prevent the inevitable, or at least to make it happen on their terms. If I had stayed in the Chrysalis longer, I might well have awakened in Bahrain, surrounded by the pickled nodes and embalmed corpses of all my allies.

I didn't want the War. But even if Max hadn't already seen it, I doubt it could have been prevented.

The Serenity Prayer is standing me in good stead these days. I think it stood me in good stead then as well, though I doubt I realized it. Part of the wisdom, after all, is knowing when your courage has driven you to make all the changes you possibly can.
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